I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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