Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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