the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
