I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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