i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
