Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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