I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
