I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i love accidental penises.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize