Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
