Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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