you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
