whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
