I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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