Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
