Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
