forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize