Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
