It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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