Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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