I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
