he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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