I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
