My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
