but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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