my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
