I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green