I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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