So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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