Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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