wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.