just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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