i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months