I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?