Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
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Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?