I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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