I CAN MOONWALK!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
