high people should be assigned attendants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
