He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...