I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
