Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.