There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too