So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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