If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!