Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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