Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk