i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
