I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
