so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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