I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
