I hate all girls vehemently.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
