why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
