chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
