I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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