I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
