i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
