i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
