Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
