you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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