dude i'm inner monologue high
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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