I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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