I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
