never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
