Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
