Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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