Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
