I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
