Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
