God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
