some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
