how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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