Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
