After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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