in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
