let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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