I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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