If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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