best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
