Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
