whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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