If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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