Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
