One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
