a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
