While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
