how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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