mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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