I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
