Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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