You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
