i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
