I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
