She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
