his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
