Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
